I Think My Dog is Gay

The slightest and most remote indications have flashed like a flash flood warning.
The swagger from behind. The dip in his walk. His gait oh so, delicately swinging from sashaying on the run. The tone in his manner is gruff to overcome the hidden closeted thoughts.

No man does it all by himselfI said young man, put your pride on the shelf

Lately, without provocation a little wink to the other boys on the block. A quick romp in a field of daisies. A smirk that sings…halleluiah…it’s raining men!
Judge less ye’ be judge. Walk a mile in the pauper’s wooden clogs before you a light a match to your cotton laced tennis shoes.
No one in the house dare speak the words of difference to indifference. We all know how it feels to be swollen in the closet. Pumped up on too much Social Media Propaganda!
How does a mother approach her second son with these words, ‘honey, it’s okay if you’d rather play Poke the Gopher than Chase the Beaver!’
Suppose we’ll sit him down…bowl of kibble soaked with low sodium chicken broth…his favorite ‘fancy boy’ meal. We’ll take the choker off and replaced it with a studded collar made of worn black leather. We’ll look him straight in the eye and lay the deck of joker filled cards on the table:
“Bogie, we’ve seen you eyeing the neighbor’s new dog, Eli. And, we’ve seen Eli give you a what for look when marking barren spots along the cul-de-sac. Bogie, our dearest, protocol son who can not return for you will never leave…it’s okay to be gay!”
I love my dog no matter what he prefers to do in the dog park with other dogs. I embrace our moments together when he howls to tunes by the Village People.
I am the proud owner of a Gay and Soon to be Out of the Closet, Beagle Bulldog mix. I guess we all should have see it coming when Bogie alerted the family to the fact that he is not a mix…he is a designer dog.

I feel stormyweather / Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder / Don’t you lose yourhead
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

Young man, there’s no need to feel down. I said young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said young man, ’cause your in a new town. There’s no need to be unhappy
Young man, there’s a place you can go. I said young man, when you’re short on your dough! You can stay there and I’m sure you will find. Many ways to have a good time
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A They have everything for young men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

You can get yourself clean you can have a good meal. You can do whatever you feel
Young man, are you listening to me. I said young man, what do you wanna be? I said young man, you can make real your dreams. But you’ve got to know this one thing
No man does it all by himself. I said young man, put your pride on the shelf. And just go there to the Y.M.C.A. I’m sure they can help you today

They have everything for young men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. You can get yourself clean you can have a good meal. You can do whatever you feel

Y.M.C.A. (song) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Young Man, I was once in your shoes. I said I was, down and out with the blues. I felt no man cared if I were alive. I felt the whole world was so jive
That’s when someone came up to me. And said young man take a walk up the street

There’s a place there called the Y.M.C.A. They can start you back on your way
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.